I haven’t posted any entry lately although a lot of things had happened that were worth blogging about. My last four weeks were highlighted by year-end deadlines and trips to the hospital (my mom’s recovering pretty well so thank you for all your support and prayers, you know who you are) thus my backlog in blogs (or “backblogs”). As a result of this psychology of deprivation, here’s an entry of odds and ends.
Merry Christmas to all!
Of all the presents I got this Christmas this is one of my favorites. Thank you Ninang M!
I have always loved the sun and moon theme. M recounted that when she saw this rubber bath mat (if this were a yoga mat, it would have been a dream come true!) on display she thought it’s very me instantaneously.
Some of the S&M things I have (from left): a bracelet made of wooden beads which I myself made ten years ago; a gift bag; and a 10-year-old shirt.
Christmas is supposed to be a season of giving and good cheers. But here in Manila, it is also a season to be extra cautious. Just how many coups and bombings happened in December, not to mention the recorded and unrecorded cases of robbery and theft peaking this time? The other day coming from my yoga class, I was on my way to meet up with a friend in a mall when I realized that my yoga bag (read: a plastic, almost transparent bag I got for free from buying so many yoga towels) was slashed. Good thing everything was intact, including my wet clothes and yoga strap (my only “priced possessions” in that bag). Times must be really hard, I thought, pati ba plastic workout bag patulan?
Yesterday, as I was napping in the shuttle on my way to Makati to do my last minute Christmas prep, the driver’s lashing out brought me back to consciousness. I was the only passenger in front beside the driver’s seat and when I looked at his side, there was a metallic beige Camry pushing its way into our lane. The driver kept saying, “What’s your problem?!” With his window rolled down, I saw the Camry’s driver pulling out something from a black clutch bag while the woman beside him seemed unaffected, as the two vehicles sped on the highway (C-5). Then our driver started yelling, “Go on and shoot!” several times. I was composed the whole time just running this line in my head: if you’re going to shoot, be sure you aim right or else….
I could not fathom what traffic violation could warrant shooting someone. The heated scene ended when we took a right on Kalayaan Avenue and the Camry went straight towards south. It was around 12:15pm. Camry’s plate was ZKZ 546. Beware of this car, more so of its loony driver.
Indeed, life is so fragile. Anyone can go anytime—this was the theme of the movie 100 starring Mylene Dizon, Eugene Domingo, and Tessie Tomas. Written and directed by Chris Martinez, the film tells a story of Joyce (Mylene), an accomplished, single woman in her 30s who, after being diagnosed with advance stage of cancer, listed and actually did the things she wanted to do in her remaining days. Bucket list, I learned that’s how it is called. The characters and the lines were very real; in fact, Mylene and Eugene won acting awards for their roles. (Why, were they acting? Mylene seemed like she’s just being herself. Very real.) The movie, however, led me to reflect on life rather than to review it for aesthetic.
Most of the things Joyce wanted to do I have done already. That includes getting space in an ossuary, choosing my funeral song, expressing my will to be cremated without viewing—knowing my friends, I might hear such remarks from them that would make turn in my grave as “hindi masyadong nice yung color ng lipstick niya” or “ay, she looks fat on her dress.” 😉 I started with my bucket list early when I was in my 20s, which included traveling, rappelling, riding the space shuttle in EK, seeing Disneyland, and reaching the peak of Mt. Maculot (under a full moon was a bonus). But there are things I have yet to do—see India and Greece, for example…learn to dance (and I hope to pursue this together with yogamates Joy and Korrina =), audition for a play, parasail…and upon Jane’s suggestion, which I gladly heeded, be naughtier!
I think nobody can be really ready for death but I can safely say, especially with the highway incident yesterday, that I am not scared to go. With my mom’s battle with the big C years ago, I have learned to live each day as if it were my last. Every time I am confronted with a dilemma I always ask myself “if today were my last day, what would I do?” Most of the time, that settles the issue.
And although Joyce’s case was ideal, where one is able to tie up loose ends before going, I have resigned to the fact that there are things that I just have to accept and live with. A few days ago, I saw my baby niece’s video on her crawling towards her mom (my sister, who was shooting) and all of a sudden she popped something into her mouth. In panic, my sister stopped the shoot so I didn’t know what happened next. Later when I asked my sister what was that that my niece ate, she replied, “I don’t know. When I checked her mouth it wasn’t there anymore. She pooped already and she’s fine. We just have to live with that.”
There are things I will never know why they happened the way they did and I just have to live with them. Accept rather than analyze. Cooperate rather than clash with. Respond rather than resist.
I have been reading Yoga and the Quest for True Self by Stephen Cope for several weeks already. It’s something that you do not and cannot finish in just one sitting. Now, I am in Chapter 8, From the Unreal to the Real and here’s one of my favorite lines from this section (a quote actually from the movie Moonstruck which I haven’t seen yet):
Love don’t make things nice (sic).
It ruins everything.
It breaks your heart.
It makes things a mess.
We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts—to love the wrong people and die.
The storybooks are bullshit.
However, the Universe (from Linda’s Yoga Journey) has a more “yogic” way of putting things in perspective. It says,
“You live in a world of illusions. A world that springs from a much deeper and far greater reality. And while at times the illusions are indeed ugly, with your physical senses you only see the tip of the iceberg. If you could see the whole, you’d discover that the unpleasantness was only the tiniest piece of a most spectacular puzzle that was created with order, intelligence, and absolute love. You’d see that contrary to appearances, in the grandest scheme of things, nothing is ever lost, no one becomes less, and setbacks are always temporary. And you’d understand that no matter what has happened, everyone lives again, everyone laughs again, and everyone loves again, even more richly than before.”
May 2009 be a more meaningful year for all of us.