The Ego and Economics Behind My Practice

(subtitle: Finding my new equilibrium)

Guest YM teacher cut my practice to my nemesis—Marichy D. My initial reaction was, okay, that’s the rule. You can’t do one pose, you can’t proceed to the next. However, my ego resists the instruction for so many reasons—some are voice of reason, others are simply nasty remarks that should not be published here. It’s one thing to start with your practice all over again because of your own doing (e.g. spraining your ankle by wearing 6-inch heels) or your own mindlessness (e.g. not sitting on your sit bone in seated poses or not bending your knees in standing forwards—I should know); it is quite another when someone tells you so.

To cut my practice or not is one decision; to go to shala or not for practice is yet another. My practice is now down to a good one hour…maybe 45 minutes during ladies’ holiday. Should I still go to shala and give up two hours of sleep and spend between two and three hours on the road for an hour of practice? Should I spend for a class, on transportation, and on food when I could just do self-practice at home? It is inevitable to include economics in the discussion, especially that I have a space and the discipline to practice on my own regularly. One cannot help but do cost-benefit analysis when the perceived (emphasis supplied) benefits hardly exceed the costs. Besides, going to shala is a catch-22—either I go there to prove that I can overcome my nemesis or I don’t to prove that I can practice and progress on my own. Either way, it is ego-driven.

Looking at my situation from another standpoint and quoting my guru, you do not judge something as good or bad, because everything happens as planned by the universe. Judgement comes only from the mind. So I shall continue to do what I have set to do and surrender to the force. This year seems to be a time of transition for so many people, myself included, and in so many areas of life. My realization is this: when the force shifts, you do not try to maintain or preserve your equilibrium; instead, you should find your new equilibrium (and it still sounds very economics, ha!), your new center of gravity, to achieve balance.

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